Nenek Ani

Nenek Ani dirawat di rumah sakit. Menurut doktornya, asmanya sudah semakin teruk hingga perlu dipasangkan salur oksigen. Sudah beberapa hari dia tidak bercakap dan seperti orang koma. Dikira sudah menjelang ajal, anaknya memangilkan seorang Mudhin (tukang do'a) agar di doakan. Sedang asyik Pak Mudhin berdoa, tiba-tiba muka nenek Ani bertukar warna biru seolah-olah tidak boleh bernafas. Tangannya menggigil. Dengan menggunakan bahasa isyarat nenek Ani minta diambilkan kertas dan alat tulis. Sisa-sisa tenaga yang ada digunakan oleh nenek Ani untuk menulis sesuatu dan memberi kertas tersebut kepada Pak Mudhin.

Sambil terus berdoa Pak Mudhin langsung menyimpan kertas tersebut tanpa membacanya kerana fikirannya dia tidak sanggup membaca surat wasiat tersebut didepan Ani. Tak lama kemudian nenek Ani meninggal dunia. Pada hari ketujuh meninggalnya nenek Ani, Pak Mudhin diundang untuk datang kerumah Ani.

Selesai memimpin do'a, Pak Mudhin berbicara, "Saudara-saudara sekalian, ini ada surat wasiat dari almarhum nenek Ani yang belum sempat saya sampaikan, yang saya pasti nasehat untuk anak cucunya semua. Mari kita sama-sama membaca suratnya".

Pak Mudhin membaca surat tersebut, yang ternyata berbunyi :

"Mudhin jangan berdiri di situ...! Jangan pijak saluran oksigen aku..!"

Pelatih Baru

Rosman Diterima Bekerja Sebagai Pelatih Di Sebuah Syarikat Multimedia. Selepas Melaporkan Diri Pada Hari Pertama Dia Masuk Ke Biliknya... Terus Mendail...

"Tolong Buatkan Saya Kopi Cepat!" Katanya Menengking.

"Maaf, Awak Salah Sambungan. Awak Tahu Dengan Siapa Awak Bercakap Ni?" Kata Suara Di Hujung Talian.

"Tidak" Jawab Rosman.

"Saya Pengarah Urusan Syarikat Ini, Awak Tahu?" Balas Suara Itu.

Rosman Terkejut. Barulah Dia Sedar Dia Tersalah Dail. Hajatnya Mahu Menghubungi Kantin.

"Encik Tahu Dengan Siapa Encik Bercakap Ni?" Tanya Rosman.

"Tak, Awak Siapa?" Balas Pengarah Urusan Itu.

"Kalau Tak Tahu Bagus..." Kata Rosman Terus Meletakkan Gagang Telefon.

8 Tips To Start Marketing Money Online With Affiliate Marketing

That you already know I'm sure off it.

But what you lack is a PLAN of action right?

Here are some tips to make money with affiliate marketing.

1. Stay away from the free route.

Every single newcomer in affiliate marketing ALWAYS seems to choose the free way out. I don't know what is wrong with them but there is no cheaper money making method on EARTH like affiliate marketing. All you basically need is your own domain name and hosting. A domain will cost you about $9 once off and hosting will cost you around $8 a month. That is NOT a lot of money if you are looking to MAKE money. So try to get the free route out of your mind.

2. Build a Website

You cannot make a decent income as an affiliate marketer without a website. If you don't know how to build a website then find some tutorials online. You don't need to be a programmer to build a website. There are software like XSitePro and NetObjects Fusion that makes building a website as easy as working with Microsoft Word.

3. Promote ONE product if you can

When building your website and adding your affiliate links don't try to shove dozens of affiliate offers into your visitors faces. Instead, find ONE product that truly caters to your market and then offer them that. If your website has several categories that cover different things

then market only ONE different product for each of those sections.

4. Update your website with content

You simply won't get significant visitors to your website if you don't add new articles to your website. Why do you think the most popular website today are so popular? It's because they have hundreds to thousands of pages indexed in the search engines! They can easily be found that's why. So the more pages your website has the more chances there are that people will find you in the search engines.

5.Add a blog.

Having a blog installed on your website or within a directory of your website will enable you to grab visitors from social sites. When you add a new article to your blog on a daily basis and bookmark your article at bookmarking sites you'll get instant visitors to your blog.

It's then up to you what you do with that traffic whether it is to direct them to an affiliate offer or just get them to read your article.

6. Write and Submit Articles

Articles are a very good way to drive TARGETED visitors to your affiliate review pages. Just hit up your notepad and write 5 - 10 articles a day. Submit it to an article directory like Ezinearticles. Write and submit those articles every single day. You'll get loads of visitors and chances are good you are going to earn commission from those visitors.

7. Go Video!

Open up Windows Movie Maker and create a short video on a hot topic in your market. Include a url to your website as well as insert it into your videos description box. Use a service like TubeMogul.com and blast that video all over the web. You'll get instant traffic guaranteed.

8. Build a subscriber list

Sign up for a service like Getresponse and add a email capture form to your website. Then write a few follow up newsletters. Then simply tell people to sign up for your free newsletter. Building subscribers to your list will enable you to market to them forever!

There you have it!

8 Solid Tips to Start Making Money Online With Affiliate Marketing!

* Now the biggest problem YOU might be facing right now is how to build an entire affiliate marketing business with this stuff right? OR you might have trouble even setting up landing pages or even doing successful article marketing.

By: Ryan Matthews

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

I have searched for a couple of resources that will show you how to achieve this, but I could only find one. They are the authority on affiliate marketing and worth checking out. Please note that there are only limited spots left so you'll have to head over there as soon as you can.

Regards,
Ryan

CLICK BOX ABOVE "JOIN NOW"

Games Download

To start with, let's have the freeware games for your PC. Just like commercial games, these free-to-download games have many genres. You can choose from a variety of action adventure, role-playing and strategy to first person shooter and online multiplayer games. Not many gamers know that there are some freeware titles that could give commercial games a run for their money. And if you opt for an online multiplayer game download, you can even play it for free. Just log in to their site and sign in.

Maybe you are asking: if these games are free, then how do game developers benefit from these? The simplest answer would be through sponsors. Most of these developers don't have their own web sites and rely on hosts that feature their freeware or their mirror links (just type in "freeware PC games in Google to go to these sites). These hosts earn through online ads that they post in their sites. There are some developers who are experimenting on different games and release beta versions replete with some of the chapters of their soon to be released titles. Then you can choose to buy the full game once it is released.

If you are into classic games such as Mario Brothers and Pacman, there are some game specialists who have revived these classics through their custom-built games. It runs in most PC operating systems so playing will never be a problem. Some sites even offer you a big collection of game titles you can download for just a single membership fee.

Commercial games have also entered the "webwagon". Their only difference with freeware games is that they have their own web sites (which also promote the game's disc box set). Especially with consoles with hard disk drives like the PS3, downloading games will be more popular than ever before. And different titles from well-known franchises such as Halo, Guitar Hero and Grand Theft Auto keep the hype alive for game downloaders. The gaming world is breaking ground. And we would probably see more titles that people can easily download over the internet. Whether other gaming platforms will follow this trend or not, only time can reveal. But this is surely a great development that would keep gamers glued to their personal computers. Now if you are still undecided which game to download, there are always java and flash based games to keep you busy with.

By: Atomsri Sukpo

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

Miscommunication

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie Wan

Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.

Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But whats this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isnt an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr Sori : I’m Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Mr Sori : I’m Sori!!

Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice Mr and i dont care, give me your name!

Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori! Im Sori!! Im SORI !!! you didnt even give me your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before im Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the co. He is Noe Buddy.

Mr Sori : Oh im so scared (sarcastically). Look i dont care about ur uncle he’s a nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog and holding an important position in the company.

Lee Sum Wan : No Avery Buddy just married my aunt. And Avery Buddy doesn’t work there.

Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of ur aunt screws everybody and i also know that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!

Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!

Mr. Sori : I dont know which one is ur sis! Why in gods name u think i do!? Look i got work to do and if im feeling mischievious i’ll broadcast it on the P.A system saying. “Attention, someone called and said that anyones brother just got involved in an accident. But not to worry no one got injured and no one was sent to the hospital. But everyone is going to the hospital anyways. The father maybe a somebody but if u’re their uncle, u’re a nobody. “how bout that!?
Toot???.Toot???.Toot???…

Mana Lebih Hebat?

Satu hari berlakulah bertengkaran yang hebat disebuah reban kambing dan sebuah reban ayam.. pertelingkahan tu menyebabkan satu kampong heboh???beginilah kisahnya.

Kambing : Apalah kau ni ayam???Baju ada tapi berkaki ayam tak malu ke???. kah kah kah

Ayam : Kau tu dah baju jarang nampak kemaluan ???lagi malu pa. kah kah kah

Ayam : Daging aku lazat.. enak sehingga menjilat jari..

Kambing : Lazat pun bukan boleh buat korban…

Kambing : Apalah kau ni bertelur sebiji riuh sekampong

Ayam : Aku bertelur setiap hari???kau tu beranak setahun sekali.. hebat apa kebendanya.

Kambing : Aku hebat???.. yahoooo

Ayam : Aku hebat ???. yahoooo

Perbualan mereka yang riuh menyebabkan tuan rumah terjaga lalu keluar melihat apa pasal yang riuh???tuan rumah lalu keluar dan mengambil pisau terus menyembelih kedua dua binatang tu sambil berkata???.. Ha???. sekarang sapa yang hebat..!!!

Lawak Bekas Menteri

"Berikut adalah temubual Al Jazeera dengan ahmad tentang
penggunaan dakwat pada kuku menjelang PRU12

Al Jazeera : Why did you cancel the ink usage in the upcoming general election?

Ahmad : We...We..We... are not Burma, we are not Myanmar....we are not vietnam..they are democratic country...we are not democratic....opps..we are also democratic but..but..but..

Al Jazeera : Why don't you allowed the ink then?

Ahmad : We..We are allowing ink..but..but..but....the people...errr... 'seludup' the ink from India to Malaysia..You know in our nagara cannot seludup-seludup one. You know seludup-seludup is illegal....

Al Jazeera : Why don't the police arrest the smuggler?

Ahmad : We try to arrest..but the police compromised...you..you..Al Jazeera...

Al Jazeera : Many thanks sir!!

Ahmad : You...you Al Jazeera..why you talk to someone from the
opposition party. Why don't you ask the government..you know our PM is Mr
Clean ...he don't want to dirty-dirty his nail with ink one... you..you are
trying to project us undemocratic..We..we are not Burma..we are not
Myanmar....bla..bla...

Lewat Sebulan

Sepasang pengantin yang baru berkahwin 4 bulan. pada suatu malam si
isteri memeluk leher suami dengan nada manja seraya berkata, " ayang,
period i dah lewat sebulan, tapi i tak boleh nak pastikan lagi sebab kita
kena gi check kat doktor."

Si suami yang teramat gembira tu pun berpakat dengan isterinya untuk
tidak emberitahu sesiapa pun tentang perkhabaran gumbira ini sehingga
ianya benar2 pasti.

Pada suatu hari, pasangan ini di datangi oleh pegawai dari TNB kerana
terdapat tunggakkan dalam pembayaran bill elektrik rumah mereka. Pegawai
TNB tu pun berkata " ini rumah En. Mahpus ker?" "iya, saya ni isterinya.
ada apa encik"

Pegawai TNB tu pun berkata, " Puan, ni dah sebulan lewat, saya dah tak
boleh tunggu ni, nanti boss saya marah."

Dengan nada terkejut, si isteri itu pun membalas balik cakap pegawai TNB
tu." APA??? Macam mana pulak encik tahu yg saya ni sebulan lewat???"

Pegawai TNB tu pun dengan selamba menjawab " ala puan, ni kan zaman IT,
semua tu ada dalam komputer dan kita boleh check Online"

Kata-kata pegawai TNB tu membuatkan si isteri tu lagi terkejut.
"APAAA????Saya lewat sebulan pun awak semua boleh tahuuu??? "

Pegawai TNB tu pun mententeramkan keadaan" Relek puan, puan ni baru lewat
sebulan, ada yg lagi teruk, lewat 5-6 bulan"

Si isteri yg terperanjat beruk dengan kenyataan pegawai tu pun berkata,
nanti saya bincang dengan suami saya..lalau pegawai TNB tu pun beredar
dari situ..

Keesokkan harinya, selepas si Mahphus ini di beritahu oleh isterinya, dia
pun naik berang dan terus ambik cuti dan pergi ke kedai TNB yg
berdekatan..

Dengan tanpa menghiraukan pegawai-pegawai TNB yg ramai di situ, dia pun
memekik seraya berkata "Apa korang ni, isteri saya sebulan lewat pun nak
heboh2 ke dalam internet. awak ni semua yg berkeluarga tak pernah lewat
sebulan kerrrr????!! bisness apa korang buat niii?? nak kena saman kerr???

Lalu pegawai yg datang kerumah si Mahphus ni berdiri dan mententeramkan
keadaan. "sabar encik, sabar encik. apa susah, kalau cik nak settlekan
perkara ni, bayar je..." kata-kata pegawai TNB tu membuatkan si mahphus
naik berang.

"APAAA?? nak bayar korang? belahhhh lahh...."

Lalu pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " kalau macam tu, Kita terpaksa potong encik
punya..........."

Si Mahpus mencelah " apa??? potong??? abih tu isteri saya di rumah nak pakai
apaaaaaa???

Pegawai TNB tu pun cakap " nampak gayanye..ISTERI ENCIK KENA PAKAI LILIN
AJERRRLAAAAAAAA"

???????????????????.....................

Kisah Penjual Telur

Penjual Telur Di sebuah pasar tradisional.

Pembeli: "Dik, telur sekilo berapa?"

Penjual: "Telur ayam atau telur itik?"

Pembeli: "Telur ayam."

Penjual: "Telur ayam biasa atau ayam kampung?"

Pembeli: "Ayam biasa."

Penjual: "Yang tempatan atau yang import?"

Pembeli: "Yang tempatan."

Penjual: "Yang tempatannya mahu yang dari Ipoh, Kuala Selangor atau Tampin?"

Pembeli: "Yang Ipoh lah..." (Sambil terlihat kesal).

Penjual: "Mahu yang Ipoh Pusat, Barat, Timur, Utara, atau selatan?"

Pembeli: "Adik nie jual telur atau nak jalan-jalan?"

Penjual: "Maaf kak, saya penjual mee rebus kat sebelah. Kebetulan yang jual telur pergi makan. Saya disuruh berbual dulu dengan pembeli sampai dia datang.

Lawak di bilik mayat

Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat di sebuah hospital untuk menyiasat punca
kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus. Selepas memeriksa mayat-mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada
penjaga bilik berkenaan.

Polis: Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?

Penjaga: Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang strok. Lelaki kedua
pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir.

Polis: Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?

Penjaga: Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya...